YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i came on her dog
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
