I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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