Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
