He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
