As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
