It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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