I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
