can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize