Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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