we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
