I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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