She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
