GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Randomize
