Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
