I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
