..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
