new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
