Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
