You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Is it because I queefed?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
