u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
