why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
God, I missed his penis.
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