he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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