Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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