i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
