apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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