I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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