If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
