i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
