The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
