im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
