Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
