i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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