there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You were trust falling into bushes
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
