If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
