just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
