i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
