There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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