the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
