I could have mohawked her pubes.
someone owes me an orgasm
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
