ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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