When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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