Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
