Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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