i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
