So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
