So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
