Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
id be glad to
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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