Me. At least after what I've been through.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
