Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Randomize
