I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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