i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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