um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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