i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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