Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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