guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
