We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
