and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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