I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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