Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
