hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
