You smell like stripper and shame
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
