every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i drank out of a bidet.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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