I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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