i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
