All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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