The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
