Pregnant stripper...not hot.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
