Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
