I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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