It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
